Baby Jack’s first year
So in a flash my second baby, Jack, turned one. It has gone so much faster than I ever anticipated. He changes before my eyes on a daily basis. I find myself thinking how did he suddenly just start doing that? In this past week Jack has decided he will eat ‘proper’ food he’s moved on from purees – thank goodness I thought he was never going to get there! He is interested in feeding himself and so over bottles and milk. Oh and he’s decided that he wants to try and totter around.
Looking back what would I tell me pre Jack?
The laid back me might not be so laid back. I can quite confidently say first time round I wasn’t a stressed Mum. I’d describe myself as very chilled and didn’t worry – which I know is quite unusual first time round. I didn’t follow a guide as to what Oliver should be doing I just trusted my instinct and chatted to friends. Fast forward to second baby even though I was as laid back I was stressed not about Jack but about this new found life that was a juggling act.
Savour the moments. They go by so much faster than they do first time round. I put it down to not having as much time as I did as a first time Mum. I’ve not been able to savour them as much I find that quite sad.
It’s normal to feel out of control! For a normally pretty organised person I can honestly say I felt so unorganised for around 10 months. I’d get myself in a tizz over silly things but to me they were big deals. Like I couldn’t get on top of an ironing pile. To some this wouldn’t even be on the list of things to do but to me it was a big deal!
You can have as much love for more than one child. I can remember after having Oliver saying to my husband I can’t imagine loving another child as much as I love Oliver. Of course as soon as Jack was born I loved him as much as I do Oliver. They’re both amazing little boys.
Don’t lose your temper easily with your first child. I’m so guilty of this! It’s been a long day, you’re tired and have little patience. Poor Oliver bears the brunt of this. I had to have a word with myself. He was a 3 year old little boy who’s world imploded when this baby arrived. It’s okay that he probably doesn’t understand that you’re shattered when he used to have your undivided attention.
Accept that when you feel a bit stressed it affects your happy life. Don’t just accept that’s how life has to be now. It’s okay not to be okay but you have to ask for help. Share how you’re feeling I guarantee things will feel better immediately.
Feeling a little resentful
You can start to feel feelings you never have – it’s okay you’re not a monster for feeling like that. Finding yourself quite resentful that your other half gets to go to work everyday. I have said many times since having Jack that going to work full time five days a week would be easier. Admittedly not for all jobs working in the NHS, Emergency Services for example. But for my previous job in marketing that would be a walk in the park.
In a probably slightly aggressive tone I’ve been known to say at least you get a pay rise, you get a bonus, you get recognition! Motherhood can feel overwhelming and even more so when you’re having a bad day. You don’t get to close the front door behind you have some time on the commute to work, drink a hot drink, have breakfast and lunch. You can start to feel resentful for that even though they are going to work too. Cut them some slack.
Don’t wish the time away
I’ve found second time around that there’s not the element of surprise like first time round. You’ve never done it before. Suddenly your baby moves on to the next stage and you’re delighted. Its a whole new world.
Unlike second time around for me. Poor Baby Jack Jack I’m constantly preempting the next stage. I’m sure that’s why the time has gone even faster. I can’t believe that 6 months ago I’d started weaning him and now he’s tucking into a range of foods.
Even leading up to his first birthday it whizzed by and I was left thinking the night before. Have I done enough? Created enough memories? Of course I have but you can’t help but worry. I strongly believe it’s not about spending money on a child unnecessarily it’s about creating fun memories and capturing them.
Admittedly I can’t deny I can’t wait for the nappies to be done though!
Would I change anything?
I wouldn’t change a thing. I love my little family. Once I started to have some acceptance and things didn’t seem so foggy life became easier. Sleep, regular exercise, not rushing around every day has massively helped. I’m lucky I have a great husband who is definitely 50% of this team. He helps me see the light and get some perspective even in my meltdown moments!
I have some great friends and we are able to have very honest conversations. That helps when you’re having a bad day because guess what many Mums are going through the same thing.
I love the conversations at the school gate after I’ve dropped my 4 year old Oliver at nursery with some lovely Mums I’ve met there. Mums with one child, others with multiple. One Mum turned to me the other day and said I’m so happy you said that I thought I was the only one feeling like that with two children. Being honest can really help another Mum out.
The lovely conversations I have with one of my best friends Kelly when we’re wandering through the streets of Twickenham and Richmond. How we just both get where we’re coming from. A problem shared is a problem halved.
When I’m not being a Mum of 2 juggling life….
I’m busy helping expectant parents achieve the best birth for them. I offer group and private hypnobirthing classes in Teddington, Twickenham, Richmond, Kingston and surrounding areas in London, Surrey & Middlesex.
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